Finally got to go for a swim today!!! haha spent like a good hour in the pool doing laps and then treading water. it's about time i had any work-out since i came back from the US.
Not sure why but my cheeks turned so red instead of black (which was kinda of what i had hoped for). Then there were my eyes that had streaks of red running out from my pupils. I don't wear goggles to swim. People i've told in BASIC found this to be pretty abnormal! Geeeeez water polo players do this too! Forgot to mention, i had a mad butt tan from my trunks! HAHA
BASIC was cool today. Brought part 2 of snacks from US today (dried cranberries)! The big-group time was spent watching a clip about rethinking the way we view the US Presidential elections with God's sovereignty in mind. Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea, Trump doesn't seem like that bad a choice after all. We can't place our trust in man (or woman for that mater) to solve our problems. We should be looking at the Throne where our rightful maker dwells.
Bible-study was very meaningful. Wrote a fun rap with the key words 'fear' and 'inspire' which was performed by superernesto. T, B and I just layered up at the background with unnecessary noises. Thought it went quite well! But the application questions from today's study did hit me. Just felt that for the past few weeks I have been asking God too many times for forgiveness, and it does make it sound as though His mercy is cheap. I've done quite a few things during these past couple of weeks that i'm not proud of. Each time when the guilt sets in, i feel like i am Adam, hiding from God after eating from the Forbidden Tree and realising that i'm naked. Still there is hope! Thing is, God's mercy is ever-flowing for he is always trying to reach out to us, but it did come at the price of his son. So the only thing left for us to do is to ask God to help us deal with Sin for we face it alone.
Haiz. Still feeling the sourness (time now is 2303). HAHA especially when she replied that she had intended to 'jio' me to Bishan library for a read but.. oh wellz. I guess I really did put a strain on our friendship by my actions back then. Been regretting it till this day. You know i did ask myself if it was worth giving up this christ-centred friendship, in exchange for wooing her without the possibility of succeeding and later souring our friendship further. Answer comes round with a resounding NO. It just ain't worth it. Lately I am extremely heartened by the fact that she has warmed up to our Bible-study group and BASIC in general. Also feeling really happy to hear and see that she's going outta her way to get to know more people in BASIC. She even signed up for music ministry as a pianist! But I've been praying, praying like hell that God gives me the strength and the courage to look past my shallow emotions. S said that it might just be that passing cloud of emotions which will subside over time. I dunno, it sure doesn't feel like it yet. I can feel myself holding back on so much emotions whenever i am around with her. Whenever i do talk to her, i feel like i'm second-guessing so much of what i have to say that it sours the conversation and it loses the sincerity or genuinity (is this even a word? HAHA). Been trying to forget her but the thoughts keep coming back. I certainly hope that she isn't reading this! HAHAHAHAHA it's too embarrassing.
Then there's this other guy. At the start I had eagerly reached out to him with the hope of bringing him into our circle! But now I am starting to feel that he might have been using my friendship for other agendas. I'm pretty sad about it. Can't really say for sure if my judgement of the situation is right, but the actions do speak quite loudly. Back then i really reached out to him with the hope of bringing in this brother in christ but then it somehow isn't reciprocated as much and it just feels so weird. Hopefully God is still using this chance to bring us brothers together.
These past few months have taught be a great deal about friendships. Especially Christian friendships. Christian friendships are nothing like what normal friendships are because at the heart of it lies our constant struggle with sin and the fellowship of brothers and sisters in christ. Worldly friendships can mean so much to us but it stops there. Journeying on this road to eternity, friends need to be more than just friends.
So at this point, i do write with a heavy heart. Not just in wanting to make sure that friendships in my bible study are sustainable, but also that they are genuine; friendships sustained with the right intentions.
At the end of BS, my leader asked if I am willing to attend CLOBS on thursday night. I knew what it meant, and i said No without hesitation, but only to agree later. HAHA. Looking forward to breakfasting with the other bros tmr!
