Had dinner last night with friends from church. Frog leg porridge! It wasn't actually my first time eating frogs (I have eaten things much worse), but to have them with porridge is a first for me. Food was alright. Frog meat is a cross between chicken (visual and initial tasting cues), fish (seafood savoury-ness) and scallops (stringy texture). The turn-out was not too bad. 7. Always slightly more than a BS turnout. heh.
Had 2 lingering thoughts in my head after dinner, durian (yes, for the 3rd week in a row) and kopi after (with the 2 Js).
1.
Quite a few people have been shipping me with B recently. Quite unsettling. Slightly irritated. Now just confused. Don't know if it's just me feeling the pressure and expectations?
Do I see any possibility there? I am strongly for the opinion that dating someone from within church is a bad idea. A daunting and uphill task at best. What if it goes wrong? I'm not simply concerned about the potential awkwardness between the two, but rather the collateral damage inflicted; when friends are torn between having to choose between sides, having a dilemma of whom they should comfort at what point in time. Told this to S that other day in Utown during our tea break after an afternoon of studying.
'Huh. Oh no why? I thought it would be ideal,' she said. Haiz. Dear S, it's not your fault, but my journeying with you has been the main reason why I have come to that conclusion in the first place.
Older J gave me an advice though. That I shouldn't rule out the possibilities by rejecting people from the start. Well, at first I was not very convinced. I was trying to be very objective last night, thinking about past instances and analysing any potential giveaways or bad decisions. I did come up with an antithesis however, and that would be my friendship with C (Younger J was completely blown away by a few of my revelations, and this was one of them. HAHA so sorry). Things have worked out pretty well between C and I, and I must say that I am very happy about it.
In the end, I told the 2 Js that if it's God will, then what will be will be. Just expect that I will bear the very same sentiments, whoever you might be, that if you are from the same church as me, know that I will be thinking at least twice or thrice about it.
Also, I would appreciate if my friends would not instigate the matter further, or have any vested interests in wanting B and I to get together. That would be very sad and hurting to our friendship.
2.
Following younger J's bewilderment from what I had revealed last night, Older J said that I do have quite a few secrets that I was not sharing. Yup. I do keep some of my cards close to my chest, choosing to reveal only bits and pieces of it to different people, using them in different situations. Most people would genuinely see me as sincere, open to sharing, heartfelt (this is not a brag btw) - an open book, because of the depth of what I share.
I will be clear that I don't tell lies (at least not as many as I think), but I never tell someone the entire story.
If you know me. Like really know me. Then you will know that you truly won't know everything about me (HAHA sounds funny).
I will share with you what matters and that is enough.
Dear God, only you know me for who I am. I am thankful that I do not have to be concerned about how others know me. I pray that people know me only for having Christ in me, that they may know You, the only one that matters.
