How could I !

How could I be so useless! How could i leave the rest of my part mates from NCC suffer without me! Leave them to suffer through the camp on their own...



Yesterday, the first day of the camp, I 'fell' in (NCC term for reporting) just like everyone else at block B in school bright and early. Not long after that we immediately received a terrible scolding from our NCOs for 'falling' in without one of our platoon mates, and that was when all the scolding began. One shelling after another until the cows came home. I felt honoured of being appointed as a COS and had to wear a special larnyard on my uniform. I wore it with immense pride and also filled with gratitude for the NCOs had chosen to believe in me, thinking that I deserved it.



Nervousness had always gotten the better of me and I began 'screwing up' almost every single time. It seemed like a habit already whenever I get nervous, therefore I was 'knocked'( another NCC term for being asked to do push-ups as a form of punishment) continuously and asked to run up and down until I went extremely blank! My mind was filled with emptiness till the brim before it began to spin. The last words I could remember was from my NCO which used to take me for training " Ming Shi, we know that you tend to screw up when you get nervous but just stay focused and you will benefit through it." At that time, my strength had started to seep out of my body as my mind and hands felt totally useless.



Before I knew it... I reported sick.



As an NCC cadet, reporting sick was the last thing that could ever cross one's mind. But however my sense of willingness to go on had vanished into thin air. I was asked to take my temperature and found out that I was running a fever and was immediately instructed to sit down at the benches nearby. However, training had to go one thus I was told to remove that larnyard from my uniform and give it to someone else. I took it out with great reluctance and sorrow, I felt as though part of my body had been taken away.



But I had no other choice!



All that I could do then was to take a shower every 15mins until my fever subsided. My towels were soaked when it had been the 7th time and my nose kept running. But all efforts had proved futile. Left with no other options, I was sent home. My parents were called up to pick me up. I sat at the benches watching the rest of the company proceed with their training. My eyes began to well up with tears.



How could I leave my part mates to 'DIE' without me by their side! How could I have been so useless! I would now like to give my word that from today onwards, I shall never report sick ever again unless it is serious. Forget about my weak ankle! Forget about my sinusitis and forget about however tough the training may be.



I want to be a stronger person.